k-punk

Apropos Simon’s discussion of anti-slowjams, blatantly unsexual tracks are an easy target, but what about tracks that are uh bending over backwards to be erotic but which are about as alluring as last week’s socks? Case in point: Mariah Carey’s ‘Honey’. (Actually, it’s a bit of a random selection with Mariah; just about any of her ‘r and b’ numbers would have been equally culpable, although I suppose there’s a case for saying that ‘Honey’ is especially sleazy, with its non-too subtle semen-is-like-honey simile). And naturally Beyonce’s latest would get a vote from me: Beyonce’s patented ‘erotic’ moans (all those diva-ish ‘whoooooahs’) are about as convincing as those of a Kings Cross prostitute at the end of a particularly demanding shift. Just why is it that Beyonce is so unsexy?